track 03 - hammersmith & city line(s)

The meaning

The song is cryptically about a very early miscarriage and the feelings of confusion, isolation and selfishness that arise from the process and the months after. I didn’t want to be obvious because of the stigma. I believe I had a 5 week miscarriage after being late (29 days…37) and getting a positive pregnancy test result. I wasn’t wanting a baby but a few things about the experience surprised me. Firstly, the usual relief after being late and then my period starting never came. Instead, I had a horrific day of pain and migraine and for months I felt deeply, deeply sad. Secondly, because all I had was a pregnancy test with a faint second line, I was shocked by the lack of interest or understanding from female friends I tried to bring it up with. I was met with either denial or apathy. It made me realise how awful it must be for women who really do want a baby but miscarry and then have a whole society go silent on them. I wrote this song as a poem after it happened.

The title refers to the colours of a pink pregnancy test result. It was the only image I could think of that didn’t give it away completely.

the music

When I finally went to record this song, months after the event, strangely I cried on the first take. I have never ever cried when singing or recording so it was a very odd feeling. I wanted the song to sound like a lullaby and already had the idea for vocal harmonies lying beneath the melody. I spent a lot of time trying to get those backing vocals and harmonies really tight. This song is unusual to anything else I’ve done and I think it always will be.